His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
