Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
