Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
