Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
