We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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