i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
