I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize