I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
