Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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