i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
