i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm just crazy horny about you
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
