It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You made out with two different species that night
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize