I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
