he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
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