My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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