Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
