he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
