Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
