Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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