She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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