I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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