Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
