any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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