She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Rumble strips road head = magical
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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