im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
