Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
ok first of all what the fuck
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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