That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
