it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
