is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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