plz talk dirty to me
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
