I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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