ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
