on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
