and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
There r osticjed everywhere
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
