I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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