I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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