Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
did i just pee glitter
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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