and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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