This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
