god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I party with great urgency now.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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