when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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