Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
