How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
