atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
