im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
