I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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