the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
