i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
