turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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