I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
