Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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