i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
