After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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