Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize