so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
