I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
handjob tips. give me some.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
