he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
