We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
