At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
