Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize