my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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