I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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