she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
