i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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