How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
