you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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