Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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