she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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