What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
