Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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