Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
