last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
