I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
