Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
