It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I love having hate sex.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
