I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
