mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
